Monday, May 12, 2008


Feelings of panic...
Overpowering lust...
Feverish excitement...

Infatuation... we are into it! Countless men and women live in anxious hope of experiencing it as soon as possible, moreover, over and over again should it be necessary; It has become a popular culture and a famous model for love itself. At this point of time, infatuation fever is directing the most critical intimate decisions of an large sub-culture of singles.

HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! Before you rush to your next plunge, consider some of the viewpoints of the most popular of all feeling states. Stop, wait, and think about what it really is to be infatuated.

Note: Infatuation is defined as a kind of affliction. . The more popular alternative to the word is - to have a 'crush' on someone. Most of us recognise it as a state in which a person has that warm fuzzy feeling within. Desire focuses on a particular someone and suddenly nothing matters but that strong attraction. The dictionary strongly suggests that the result of infatuation is a reduction of mental capacity, a synonym "folly" predicting grave consequences to follow from stupidity resulting from fixated passion.

Does it sound familiar? Nevertheless, there must be something about infatuation that accounts for the hold it has over our imaginations and our choices. Most of us know the feelings of infatuation from direct personal experience. Clearly we have all been introduced to 'Love Fever' through sleep-overs at friends' house, fairy tales, literature, show, movies and the sort.

The first to every life of infatuation is that very 'special' moment when someone suddenly takes on 'special' meaning for us.

It is perhaps you hear a particular attraction in someone's voice that strikes a chord in your heart. Or maybe you are warmed by that unexpected gaze of tenderness. It is an intriguing remark that goes straight to your soul.

Lightning has struck...

After the lightning strike comes a storm of intrusive thinking of the desired one.

Every experience you now have seems connected with their qualities, every shared moment filled with new meaning. When apart, you review and relish each moment spent in their presence and ruminate on their flavor.

You live in vigilant expectation of the next contact...

Idealisation sets in early in the intrusive thinking phase. The attractive warmth permeates everything and creates that perfectness with which we love to blind ourselves. For a while, you see no flaws in that beloved someone and admits to no blocks to forward progress.

From this high intensity anticipation comes the primary emotional dynamic of infatuation: an exquisite combination of hope and uncertainty.

Upon this point, life becomes that famous rollercoaster ride - delightful reciprocity followed by agonizing doubts of ultimate success. Fear, simple fear is now consciously driving the infatuation within you; -the-fear-of-not-getting-what-you-have-begun-to-desire- is the unique torment reserved for people who are infatuated.

This form of human experience is as well-recorded as any emotional memories has ever been. You can fund poignant elaborations on the process incised upon clay tablets, etched in marble, painted on papyrus, fixed in celluloid, playing on the radio, showed on TV, and filtering through the voices all around you. IT IS A FAMOUS AND FAVOURITE FORM OF ANGUISH!

But then again, how can something so uncomfortable be so irresistible?

"How then?"
Science's answer to it would be the existence of an amphetamine-like chemical called phenylethlamin (PEA) which is rapidly activated (in a flash!) within the brain when we begin to feel attracted to someone. But other some other scientists claim that it paves way to peculiar contemporary disorder, namely 'The Relationship Disorder'. This form of 'drug addiction' acts like speed, people who are not used to the rush begin to crave. In other words, an infatuated person may have multiple relationships at different times, not long enough to develop a relationship that really makes them happy or leads to lasting happiness.

"Why then?"
Psychology's answer is that of a most profound contribution to modern thought was to show us the extent of our behavior is guided by unconscious processes.

Another popular idea is that opposites attract, and for very good reasons. Theory shows that we are unconsciously drawn to those who exhibit qualities we find lacking - or somehow undeveloped - in our own psyches and that we always seek to complete or balance ourselves somehow through intimate attachments.

Harville Hendrix, author of Keeping the Love You Find: A Guide for Singles, has one of the best explanations for why we tend to fall so heavily and helplessly into the infatuated state.

He says we each have in our memory a highly individual imprint, a mental construct called imago, in which the best and worst attributes of our earliest caretakers have been crystallised. The imago we have of our dream lover is like an intimacy template the influences and filters our perception so that we are particularly attentive and sensitised to those who match our private patterns. This then accounts for the highly specific nature of our infatuations.

The deeper we go into this matter, the more infatuation seems to reflect its dictionary definition as the epitome of foolishness. The experience seems to take conscious choice right out of the picture. When we are infatuated with someone, it is as though we become little love robots, biochemical puppets with no will of our own, without a rational thought in our heads! And what is the stupendous pay-off for what seems to be a love offering of mindless surrender?

  • How often have you experienced highly erotic and deeply gratifying love-making with someone with whom you were having a 'crush'?
  • How often has the object of you feverish desire turned out to be as you imagined him/her?
  • How many smoldering, day-dreamed passions have actually burst into flame for you?
  • How many times have you been a 'Fool for Love' only to realise within weeks or months that there was no love there, only helpless yearning?
  • How many sunny, companionable days have you actually spent with someone you longed to have?
  • In short... how many times has infatuation worked for you?
The answers to these questions show there is little happiness in 'crushes' itself, precious little daily satisfaction is possible while we are acting the 'Fool for Love'. That is because the state of infatuation thrives on distance and frustration. It flourishes under difficult circumstances. It is not magnified by consummation and familiarity.

Note: Infatuation can't exceed its own expectations. It is the spark and the emotional kindling, it is not a steady warming fire. It is an appetizer that makes you anticipate the full banquet, but it will not keep you warm and it will not fill you up.

Infatuation begins as an important emotional signal to point you in the direction of desire and get you moving. But it is not yet love and its impetus will never take the place of thinking about what you want and acting persistently on that intention.

When all is said and done, we will always want to fall in love with the pull of a potent attraction. We will always want to love infatuation and we will always reserve our right to be a 'Fool for Love'. And that is as it should be. Who doesn't want to feel moved by the thrill of a profound, mysterious attraction that is able to overpower our ego defenses and cause us to open our soul to another with theimpetuosity of a child? The state of infatuation is so powerful that we want infatuation to have a meaning beyond that of a chemically-induced trance phenomenon. AND IT'S POSSIBLE, but with just one little catch.

In order to make certain that infatuation can fulfill its true role in the natural discovery and growth of love, we have to stay semi-conscious and aware of our choices. Only conscious surrender and sustained attachment can make the original spark of infatuation eventually work to our benefit.

Info cited from: http://www.sosuave,com/articles/infatuation.htm


Personally, 'crushes' may start at some point, but it will not necessarily turn to love. I had my fair share of infatuations, and believe me when I say your mental capacity will drop when in the presence of that someone, so much so your choices seem irrational.

Infatuation isn't love...

True love stands the test of time, and time will tell...

Ok. Thank you.
God Bless.

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